i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
