Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
MIDGETS
????
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
