Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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