he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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