good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
