At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
