like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
