whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
