You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
