Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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