If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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