I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
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Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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