Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
