Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
