Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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