How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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