New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
