he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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