I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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