you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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