Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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