you guys were way drunker than both of me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think a kid would responsible me up
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
