This girl is more easily done than said...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
