Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
