Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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