he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Even my vagina gasped.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
