I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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