who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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