Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Tell her she can't have a vagina
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
