what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
