I want to make a zoo with you.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
