If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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