I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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