So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm having to shit out rocks
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
