Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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