we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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