we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
