New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
