I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
