What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
