this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
