you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
