The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She's just so happy...and so naked.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
