youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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