Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
