Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
