i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
