I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
