so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
