girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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