The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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