eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
