my being single is dangerous.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
