Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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