the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
