i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize