Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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