I'm going to jail i love you
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
