I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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