shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
