I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
