i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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