Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
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