with your own penis?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
