Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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