Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
