Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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