I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
