Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
