Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That accounts for only three of the penises
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
