He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
