Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
you never un-have a 4some
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize