Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
