soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think i got beer on your cat.
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