scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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