I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
