dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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