just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
